With a not-so-lawyerish face like this.
Yes, I even have a lala ribbon with me otherwise the original piccie would look so boring mehehehe. Not kawaii meh? Fine.
x
So I received my LLB results on 16th of August. I wanted to blog it so badly as soon as I’ve got such exciting news since I’m FINALLEH T_T done with my law degree. I honestly thought I would have failed my Part 2 because I didn’t know a thing about Commercial Law wtf.
But terrible shiz happened right away… These few weeks haven’t been easy for me 😦
It’s nothing fresh that people around me always know that I never wanted to study law in the first place. Well, perhaps my dad never knew about it… NOT. That’s why we kinda got into a big fight after a few days of pretending to be normal at home.
And it turned out to be a literally.bloody.night. So hardcore. I should have joined Russian Mafia instead of wasting my teen years studying law 😎
Sarcasm aside. Now get back to my story. I just have to let it all out before putting a final full stop to this significant chapter of my life.
Everything started with a simple question from dad exactly 5 years ago, “What are you going to do next?”
I was preparing for SPM exam and having no clue where I wanted to go after my Form 5. So I came up with the most cincai answer ever, “Law gua?” I swear the reply meant nothing but merely an option for my potential field of study, thinking that I have outstanding memory skill as well as ability of jibber-jabbering alone like the lawyers on TVB drama.
Then here comes the HEAF in real life. No idea what is a HEAF? Stop being a loser and read more about 9gag -High Expectations Asian Father 🙄
So yeah, my typical HEAF started looking for law schools desperately despite the fact that I had a few months left before graduating from high school. In the meantime, I actually gave some other suggestions such as medic, mass communication and etc etc. But little did I know he was already so blinded by ego hence there was absolutely no way for him to give up on a “lawyer daughter”.
A week right after my last paper of SPM, I was then pressured into enrollment of ATC without asking me what I actually wanted to do FML. I tried to protest by fasting for 2 weeks but unfortunately I survived wtf thus resulting in the worst 5 years of my life.
In fact, law isn’t that obnoxious as how I’ve always complained on Twitter. But seriously…
WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG TO DESERVE THIS WHILST THE REST OF MY MATES ARE HAPPILY PURSUING THEIR DREAMS?
Since I was young, my dad basically arranged everything I HAD to do. Be it PTS, ballet dancing, science stream and etc etc. I don’t want to sound like a moaning minnie but I have to say I never had a choice whenever it comes to decision-making at critical stage. Well, I couldn’t even cut my hair short in secondary school because my dad hates women without long locks wtf. Don’t judge, I DID FUCKING VOICE OUT yet my so-called ‘revolt’ merely led to more miserably unnecessary family drama which I shalt not reveal in public.
I ended up becoming one of the pariah students amongst those enthusiastic law maniacs. When I was 17 in A Levels (yes I took intensive programme because my dad wanted me to finish my studies as soon as possible), I fortunately passed despite the fact that I only attended classes for the first three months. I hated the environment too much as ATC is located nearby Petaling Street hence I suggested to transfer to KDU for my LLB degree.
Sadly I got even worse since I was quite a piece of irresponsible crap back then. I attended my lectures (or maybe tutorials, I didn’t even know the difference because I was such a badass like that) for once a week. I always skipped my class due to traffic jam early in the morning. I had no idea what was Land Law all about and I studied it a day before my exam. Everyday I felt exactly like a soulless puppet not knowing what I was up to.
Things went pretty smoothly until my second year… I failed half of my papers.
Shock of my life.
Of course I know I deserved it but to be completely honest, I could hardly fail any test/exam since I was young. I’d always been so lucky to the extent that nobody around me would actually be worried of my results. I mean, I even used to study 10 days before Intermediate exam yet I managed to pass with flying colours, but why not now?
After a few days of self-reflection, I decided to return to ATC in the end.
Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t hate its environment any lesser. But undeniably their academic performance is absolutely outstanding as compared to the other law schools. And as I predicted, I actually began to take my studies seriously in conjunction with its peer pressure. You should really check out their library before 6pm everyday… FULL HOUSE DAO 😯 😯 😯
Besides that, as I’ve mentioned several times, I met a few good people when I was back in ATC thus it kinda pushed me to study harder regardless of my toughest first 5 months of 2011. I guess my BFF was the one who actually witnessed my 180 types of emotions for every single day yet she still stayed by my side until this very day. Thank you Sayang, I am too grateful to be your friend 🙂
After 2 years of hard work, it was finally the day to collect our results and glad to say both of us managed to get through. The moment I saw the BFF cried tears of joy, it suddenly struck me so badly. I wish I could be a little happier of my results but frankly, I had no feelings at all. All I thought about was, “Oh cool, so I am finally done with my law degree now.” Then, all of a sudden, I was vastly saddened by my zero emotional response towards the outcome after spending a couple of years in the law school…
5 years of my life. Apparently, I have wasted 5 years of my life to obtain a law degree which I am never proud of. No doubt people would always say things like, “Well, you should follow what your dad arranged for you! Be thankful for what you have! Some people can’t even afford their further studies!” Sometimes, whenever I’m getting upset over this matter, I comfort myself with the same bullcrap as well. But seriously???
TO YOU JUDGMENTAL RETARDS, GO BURN IN HELL.
I can become a lawyer ONLY IF I want to. Say I am stubborn or whatsoever. But since you are being so judgmental, why can’t I have my own opinion too? I didn’t have a choice in the first place, do you think by obtaining First Class Honours and becoming a millionaire lawyer will make me a little happier? Sadly, NO.
I will never be happy for what I never dreamed of. I guess I will be happier to have a char kway teow stall since I really love pigging out. So please understand – Everyone has their own story behind what they choose to show. Stop acting like you know what I’ve been going through all these years. I am not even interested in your lifeless story so why are you being so busybody of my business?
Anyway, back to 19th of August.
I don’t remember most of the stunts I pulled but I can say the flashbacks are more than traumatic. I don’t really want to reveal everything on my blog as this is my family problem hence I shall keep this to people whom I love and care. But there is one thing I am very sure of.
The moment I woke up the next day, I noticed the bandage on my right leg that received 6 stitches inside. I was feeling lost yet complicated at the same time in recounting the memories I could have lost. The next thing I knew, I already couldn’t stop sobbing when I saw the parents who appeared at my door.
I don’t know what exactly made me burst into tears as I am too confused with my emotions after all the things that ever happened to me. Even until this very day, I can’t really tell whether I’m feeling grateful for the lessons I’ve learnt throughout these 5 years, or I’m simply hating these 5 fruitless years I’ve wasted in my life. Put the love-hate relationship aside, maybe I’m simply missing the home sweet home I once used to have…
But I’m so glad everything turns out all right in the end. If you wonder, now I’ve already secured my job in a law firm as a great start of my long term plan. My bosses are beyond awesome because they know I’m hopping over to event management anytime wtf yet they are still as nice to me :’)
Speaking of my family, surprisingly our bond actually grows much stronger after that particular night. Dad sends me to work most of the time (which has never happened to me when I was in college) and mom cooks 3 meals for me everyday (and it does make me feel happier than those days in college wtf). I am a bit paiseh to share this with people but I actually start giving them goodbye kisses on their cheeks whenever I go for work.
Besides that, recently Sista sleeps with me very often so I don’t feel that lonely anymore. Brode also starts pampering me as if he is older than me yet I feel so loved. Sometimes I come home to FaceTime the BFF as well as the sweetest boyfriend every night before we hit the sack.
My life is not much different with an Otaku’s now but I am a happy little girl for every single day. And yes, these are the people who got me through it all and they mean A LOT to me. Daww, I am too content with my life for the time being 🙂
And it has never been easy to spill out everything after all these crappy years of living a double life. I could have written this blog post anytime before I became a law graduate, but I wouldn’t, because I wasn’t even qualified to yak about things I never achieved. Now that I have a law degree therefore I can tell you self-righteous parents, the only piece of news which truly excites me when I first collected my results is that I could finally leave the law school. Am I even proud of my law degree today? Honestly, no.
Imagine how I used to sink in depression due to LLB studies yet today my life is more than blissful without having to live a double life anymore. Interesting, isn’t it? I guess at some point of time, we would look back on our past and here comes the sudden realisation of how much we’ve actually grown up after everything we have been through. Of course, there is still much more for me to learn. But it certainly feels great to bid farewell to one of the significant chapters of my life with a perfect ending like this…
Goodbye LLB, I am moving on 🙂
That’s all for today peeps. Thank you for taking time to read this although I doubt anyone would make such effort to finish reading my every single word wtf. But if you really do, I thank you from the bottom of my heart… Xie xie ni!
And this is for the loved ones who never gave up on me :’)
Kat is not Deluna 